Can Employees REALLY Set Boundaries With Managers?
Health & Wellness • Soft Skills • Software Development Career Advice
Learn how to set and enforce boundaries with your manager to avoid burnout, protect your mental health, and build professional respect.
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How to Set Boundaries with Your Manager to Avoid Burnout and Gain Respect
Setting boundaries at work can be tough, especially with managers who expect us to perform at superhero levels. In this article, I’ll walk you through how I learned to set boundaries with my managers during my years as a software consultant. By doing so, I avoided burnout and established a reputation for professionalism and respect.
Whether you’re a software developer, product manager, or even a data scientist, this approach can help protect your mental health and make work a lot more manageable.
Step 1: Define Your Role Clearly
When you’re hired, there’s usually a job description outlining your roles and responsibilities. But after a few months or years, those initial expectations can blur, and suddenly, you might find yourself handling tasks that weren’t part of the original deal. If you’re taking on the work of three people without any formal agreement, you’re headed for burnout.
What I recommend is to meet with your manager and clarify your current responsibilities. Prepare a list of what you’re actually doing, including anything new they may have added. This way, you’re setting a baseline, so when they ask for more, you have an agreed-upon scope to refer to.
Step 2: Identify Your Boundaries and Unacceptable Expectations
It’s crucial to know your limits and define what’s unacceptable for you. Think about your past experiences and recall any instances where a manager or colleague asked you to do something that felt like too much. Maybe it was an 80-hour workweek or sacrificing a weekend for a project release.
Make a list of these unacceptable expectations, so you can pinpoint the boundaries that matter to you. By identifying these early on, you’re preparing yourself to spot the red flags before they pile up and overwhelm you.
Step 3: Set Consequences for Overstepping Boundaries
Here’s where most people struggle. It’s one thing to set boundaries, but it’s another to think through what will happen if someone crosses them. Boundaries aren’t just rules we set and forget; they require us to be ready to take action when they’re crossed.
For example, if you’ve set a 40-hour workweek as a boundary and your manager starts pushing for 60 hours, what’s your response? It might mean having a conversation with them, escalating to HR, or even looking for a new job if the boundary-pushing continues. Knowing the consequences beforehand gives you the confidence to uphold those boundaries when the time comes.
Step 4: Communicate Your Boundaries Clearly
Many people avoid direct conversations about boundaries at work, fearing it’ll come off as confrontational. But you don’t have to use the word “boundary” if it feels too rigid. Instead, approach it as an expectation or preference.
For instance, you might say, “I’m committed to working hard, but I want to make sure my hours stay around 40 per week due to past experiences with burnout.” Explain that this limit helps you perform better and stay balanced. This way, you’re asserting your needs without sounding confrontational, and your manager is likely to respect the honesty.
Step 5: Have a Backup Plan
A crucial part of enforcing boundaries is knowing what you’ll do if they’re not respected. Let’s face it—managers may not always respond as you hope. You might set your boundaries, and they might still push. That’s when a backup plan is essential.
A solid backup plan could mean saving a financial cushion, exploring freelance gigs, or even securing another job offer as a safety net. When you’re prepared to leave if necessary, you’re less likely to compromise on your well-being just to keep the peace.
Why Setting Boundaries Helps You Professionally
Setting boundaries with a manager doesn’t just protect you from burnout; it actually improves your professional image. Managers respect employees who know their limits and communicate them effectively. When you’re not a “yes person” who takes on every additional task, you’re seen as someone with integrity and self-respect. And it can even make your manager’s job easier because they know what they can and can’t ask of you.
Enforcing Boundaries: Taking Action When Needed
The first time someone crosses a boundary, you have to act on it. If your manager insists on extra hours or pushes you to take on responsibilities you’ve explicitly discussed, enforce your boundary. This might mean having a follow-up discussion or, if necessary, taking a more drastic action.
Letting boundaries slip sends a message that they weren’t serious to begin with, and it’s likely that you’ll face the same challenges again. Standing firm might seem daunting, but it’s the only way to maintain long-term respect and peace of mind in your role.
Backup Plans in Action: What If They Don’t Respect Your Boundaries?
If a manager doesn’t respect your limits despite your efforts, this is where your backup plan comes into play. Maybe that’s tapping into an emergency fund, taking a temporary consulting role, or reaching out to contacts for new job opportunities. Having a backup plan is empowering; it gives you options, and options mean you’re not stuck.
Why Boundaries Are a Commitment to Yourself
Ultimately, setting boundaries is less about controlling others and more about staying true to yourself. You’re making a commitment to honor your own limits, even when external pressures mount. By setting and enforcing boundaries, you’re signaling that your health, time, and integrity are priorities.
Boundaries aren’t a magic solution—they won’t prevent managers from overstepping. But they give you a framework to protect yourself. If you find yourself compromising on these boundaries repeatedly, it’s time to reassess the role or environment you’re in.
If you’ve had challenges in the past with setting boundaries, know that you’re not alone. It’s a learning process that gets easier with practice. And if you’re ready to take control of your work-life balance, consider joining my community that supports healthy career paths and mental wellness.
About the THRIVING TECHNOLOGIST show
On YouTube and all major podcast networks, Jayme shares teamwork and leadership strategies, guidelines for healthy company culture, and stories about real projects so you can have a sustainable career in the software industry.
Jayme Edwards
A family man and veteran of nearly 40 software projects, Jayme experienced many wins and losses over his career as an architect and consultant.
Now he's coaching software developers, managers, and business owners to overcome challenges in the IT industry - so they keep growing.